I went to visit Jaime & Meadow today.
I reached out to Jaime’s mom yesterday and Meadow’s cousin (who I had a student, as well, a few years ago). I wanted to make sure it was ok if I went.
I dropped my daughter off at Hebrew school and went to the cemetery. I went to see Meadow first. As I approached her headstone, I began to cry. I don’t mean just cry – I began to sob. I put a stone on her headstone; this is a Jewish custom. I apologized to her. I told her I was sorry that this happened to her. I told her how much I always loved having her as a student. I told her how I’d always ask her cousin how she was, and ask him to tell her I said hello. I told her that I think about her all of the time, and I hope she’s at peace. I told her she was brave. I told her that she was a beautiful girl who always smelled good and lit up my room. I told her I won’t stop fighting for her and the other Eagles. I stood there for a few minutes in silence. I then kissed two fingers, touched her headstone, told her to rest easy and left.
I then went to see Jaime. As I approached her stone, I let out a huge sigh. There were still tears in my eyes and running down my face from when I was with Meadow a few moments earlier. I put a stone on her headstone, too. I apologized to her. I told her I was sorry that this happened to her. I told her how much I always loved having her as a student. I told her that I have her brother in my English class this year. I told her that I think about her all of the time, and I hope she’s at peace. I told her she was brave. I told her that she was a beautiful, talented girl. I told her that my daughter dances for her, and wore an orange ribbon on her solo costume yesterday. I told her I won’t stop fighting for her and the other Eagles. I stood there for a few minutes in silence. I then kissed two fingers, touched her headstone, told her to rest easy and left.
I hate that this is where I have to see them. That I’m visiting two teenage girls at the cemetery. I needed to go to tell them how much I miss them, and that I care for them. I needed to see them as we approach 2/14.
I will never stop fighting. I will never stop speaking up and speaking out. I am forever changed, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. I will honor them for the rest of my life.